Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
