i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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