sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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