So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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