it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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