In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
