you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
