My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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