i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
