We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
