sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
