Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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