I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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