just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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