have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
How does one acquire holy water?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
