hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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