he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
