i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
