I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
