the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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