I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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