My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
