first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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