Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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