my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
