i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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