Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
