So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
