Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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