Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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