the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he was CRYING into my vagina
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
