i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
