Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
