Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There are leaves in my underwear?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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