We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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