I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
