Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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