Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
