so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
