Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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