I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
