i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
