She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize