I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
