when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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