need another drink. this is the easiest way
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
