did you get engaged???
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize