reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
