I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize