Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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