Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
