Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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