When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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