moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
