yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
