Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
