Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Do you still have your period?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
