just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
