I have demons in me.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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