I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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