All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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