I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
