Having a random hookup so left but love u
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
