hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
