Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
