remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
