my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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