Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
