I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
