so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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