I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
