I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize