In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
