Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
