im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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