My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
