seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
