just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
