Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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