I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
